Good news! My MS treatment was working. (It doesn't for all patients) Bad news! I found out because I went off of it for a few weeks and am now having a flare-up. Nah, I didn't need my dominant hand for anything anyways. Or my right leg. I did not want to feel this way… Continue reading Mixed message
Category: Struggles
Acceptance
So it happened. I became that girl. The sad-sack TTC blogger who has nothing but baby on the brain. Writes ad nauseam about desperately wanting it to happen. It's like that woman gently weeping in the frozen foods section. Your heart goes out to her, you want to console her, but is it ever awkward.… Continue reading Acceptance
Crushed
Nothing makes sense anymore. The world has gone topsy turvy, and I want off. Babies are born to unfit parents all the time. People get what they don't deserve. Life is unfair. I should learn to accept it, because if this past year has taught me anything, it's that hard truth. Because the second I… Continue reading Crushed
Crummy timing
If there is such a thing as a biological clock, then mine is defunct. Because if it were working, surely it would have alerted me, say, five years ago to start thinking about having a family. Instead, it waits until a most inopportune moment to finally chirp up. Oh, you have MS now? You are… Continue reading Crummy timing
Surreal
After two weeks of biblical-type floods and storms, news came last night about the death of Osama bin Laden, the architect of al-Qaida who was behind the worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil in history. Nearly 10 years ago, the world changed for everyone, becoming a little darker and a little less reassuring. Sept. 11… Continue reading Surreal
Oh, April
You have outdone yourself, really. You started with such promise (a successful prank on Day 1, the MS Walk on April 9). Then you showed your true colors. From the capricious reproductive system to the stormy birthday, things got rough fairly quick. If there was a so-called bright spot with you, it's that there isn't… Continue reading Oh, April
Of poise and fortitude
She sat there, smiling, this wisp of a woman. Her alabaster skin almost translucent, looking thin enough to flake off like onionskin. What hair she still had was frizzy, no so much styled as simply left to hang shaggy at her angular shoulders. Every bone protruded in a way that looked painful, contorted. Her chest… Continue reading Of poise and fortitude
April is the cruelest month
Mixing memory and desire. It was this time last year that I knew something was amiss. There was an inkling of trouble that barely registered in my busy life, but it was there. Had I paused for longer to analyze it, would it have mattered? It was this time last year I was late. You… Continue reading April is the cruelest month
I’ve got some explaining to do
And that, folks, is called a meltdown. A crying jag (OK, several) at work despite my friends buying me lunch, another friend delivering the most adorable cake-pop basket and stargazers from my husband. Despite the fact that I'm alive, I can put food on the table and gas in my car. That I have dear… Continue reading I’ve got some explaining to do
I hate today
I don't feel special, honored or particularly grateful for much right now. I feel used, stressed and broken. Yes, please tell me that I should change my attitude. I have. Those who have seen me day in and day out know that I try to stay upbeat not dwell on my condition all that much.… Continue reading I hate today
One, Wild & Precious 