Nothing makes sense anymore.
The world has gone topsy turvy, and I want off.
Babies are born to unfit parents all the time.
People get what they don’t deserve.
Life is unfair.
I should learn to accept it, because if this past year has taught me anything, it’s that hard truth.
Because the second I let hope in, it’s dashed yet again.
I sought to handle MS with (my not-yet-trademarked) grace and humor. I’d like to think I’ve managed that, with mixed success.
But then came other struggles, ones I am not so equipped to handle.
A pregnancy test read positive last week. But it wasn’t to be. A week later, after being more than a week late, it was nothing more than chemicals stirring, signifying nothing.
There’s no way to grieve what was never truly there. (Not that I haven’t tried — just ask my tear-stained pillow.)
Eventually, cautiously, I’ll let hope back in.
Someday, I won’t write with such sadness.
One day, my heart won’t be as heavy.
But not right now.