Six months ago today I was in a hospital bed.
My legs were these feeble, foreign-feeling abstractions of flesh and bone not living up to their purpose. Just work, dammit! I pleaded to them over and over and over.
My head was swimming from a cocktail of steroids and pain medicine.
My life had been upended.
MRIs, CT scans, a spinal tap. Pursing of lips. Furrowed brows.
Multiple sclerosis was the preliminary diagnosis.
Fear. So much fear.
I’ve had six months to process this hellishness.
Is the grieving over?
I’m still scared. And a little angry. And overwhelmingly sad. And terrified of shots.
But I’m walking. And doing most everything I was doing before MS, with some modifications. The treatment is working, and I haven’t had an exacerbation since the one that began October and lasted the rest of 2010.
My biggest battles are with fatigue, balance, emotions, weakness and numbness.
Still, I can’t shake the nagging thought that I will regress.
But if these 180 days have taught me anything, it’s that I am strong enough to withstand the daily buffets of life with multiple sclerosis.
So onward I will stumble.
One, Wild & Precious 
You are doing great, and we are still here to love and support you whenever you may need anything!
Ditto what Heidi said!
Learning what it was I had was a relief that was in 2001, then learning I had been misdiagnosed for over 20 year’s. I enjoy the way you write, what I’ve found over the year’s is balancing not the walking kind but on the inside for me has been my key to continuing to be me.
so, so true about the balance. i feel lucky that my diagnosis (and thus treatment) came pretty quickly. stay strong!
I’m rooting for you!
Excellent post, Jenn! Such a great perspective you have to truly move forward with life. Don’t borrow trouble and live the life you have!
DItto and Amen to what Heidi and Yavonda said!