Oh, so this is what it feels like

I’m in the throes of a particularly nasty exacerbation, one compounded by the fact that I don’t start my steroid infusion until Monday.

So these past few days have been among the worst I’ve had with MS since being diagnosed. What started as a tiny weakening in my left leg has turned into a unilateral assault on my dominant side.

It’s taken me 5 minutes to write the above. My entire left arm feels tight and spastic, like a thousand tiny needles conspiring against me. While I can feel them, I can’t really feel what my arm is doing — it’s like Apollo falling out of  contact with Houston on re-entry.

The brain-body connection has been lost for now.

Which is a shame, because I really like to use my left hand to write, type, eat, wipe, gesture … pretty much everything involves it in some way.

So these past few days are the first time I have felt truly disabled and helpless.

It’s scary territory to find oneself in.

And disappointing to happen so soon into 2012.  Not exactly the way I wanted  to ring in the year.

Right now the doctor isn’t classifying it as a drug failure, because it appears to be an old lesion flaring up.

The  only other time I felt close to this way was when I was in the hospital. I’m not sure how to proceed. Go to work? Go about my daily activities? Go to bed where I won’t be able to sleep anyways?

Everything up to this point was more tolerable if not annoying, like MS Lite.

Steroids, as rough as they are, can’t start soon enough.