Multiple sclerosis, Struggles

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

The only constant is change. But it strikes me just how whirlwind the metamorphosis has been the past few months, for everyone around me.

Two friends have taken huge leaps for careers. My besties had twins the day after I went into the hospital in September. Other friends are due any day now. And another pair of my close friends are about to be reunited after a four-month, him-first-her-next move to a bigger city with more opportunities.

And if he squints long and hard enough, Nick can just make out the end of his three-year odyssey to become a super computer whiz. He’s thisclose to finishing his masters and then we’re going to set forth on conquering the world, me his witty yet fallible sidekick.

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream of warm impermanence
And so the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same

— David Bowie, Changes

Change is all around me, and I know my life has been upended in ways I could have never imagined. It’s not the path I would have chosen for myself, of course. It’s interesting how the days do seem the same now, how routine this regimen of shots and steroids and endless parade of doctors visits has become. It’s the new normal.

It’s so very strange to describe how static my life has become, considering multiple sclerosis is all about change — it loves throwing a person for loops with new symptoms in new places as it randomly rears its ugly little head.

I think it’s a matter of perspective — going through the day-to-day motions, it almost feels like I’ve always been doing just this. But taking the long view, I see how my life is dramatically different now: Shifted priorities, big plans put on hold, jobs scaled back, friendships in limbo.

The ripples in my stream have been constant and ever-growing.

The only constant is change. Same as it ever was? (Just because I love this song, and I seem to be on a music theme.)

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