Multiple sclerosis

Reflections on a year gone by

It’s rather surreal to think that on this day a year ago I was in the emergency room being told I need to be hospitalized because I could no longer walk.

A week later and I was still laid up in that lumpy bed, eating that bland food, getting a spinal tap, hoping against hope for a different fate.

And then a week after that learning my diagnosis: Multiple sclerorsis.

What terrifying words those are to hear. They still send chills through me.

And what a journey it has been this past year.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out — the encouragement in the face of these struggles has been a lifeline. I am grateful for the support, the love, the honest talks, the shoulders I cried on, the prayers, all of it.

I don’t know that I’m any better at this than I was on Day 1. I’m still scared. But I’m still fighting.

I take a shot every day now. I am a bigger fan of walking and having eyesight than I am a hater of needles.

I have a disabled placard. I use it often and don’t feel a shred of guilt anymore. Hey, it’s tiring having this beast.

I pushed my limits and found a strength I didn’t know I had.

I’ve had several exacerbations, none of which were particularly fun.

I wake up every day still wishing for a different fate. But I go through each day seeking out what is good, and I don’t know that I did that pre-MS.

I count my blessings, which are numerous.

But there’s one in particular I am most grateful for, and that is Nick.

He didn’t have to stick around, even though he did say the “in sickness and in health” part, and I don’t think his fingers were crossed.

I don’t think either of us could have anticipated this, so we certainly weren’t prepared. But he’s rolled with the punches and given me the best life I could ever imagine.

For all the awful this past year has dealt us, he has made sure to keep me safe, loved and hopeful.



6 thoughts on “Reflections on a year gone by”

  1. MS has a way of eliciting either the good or the worst in one, and even that is different depending on the time and place. In this post, you have reached for the best in you … which this disease will never defeat.

  2. I still feel bad that I was in the hospital then too and couldn’t get to you to be there for you. But I am extremely proud of your strength in the past year, and your MS activism. You are awesome, and we all love you very much.

  3. You have been a warrior this past year. I am so proud of the way you have faced and fought MS. I am also so proud of the way Nick has supported you and the way you two have leaned on each other. I love you guys!

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